Katherine Perumal

In Memoriam 21 October 1946 - 13 April 2006

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Here we are again,

The time we speak outside churches,

I wonder if You still hear me,

Or are these empty ventures,

Yet, as the youngest looks at Your picture,

With a knowing I can't comprehend,

I figure You held his face,

Before You gave him to my hand,

Since You taught me to walk Ma,

I had to learn to do it thrice again,

 Maybe You didn't want me,

To run too fast to the end,

The gaping hole you left,

Has maybe been filled somewhat,

But the gravity of Your memory,

Will always hold the orbit of my heart,

I forget most days Ma,

Yet , Today always finds me,

 As the church bells ring today.

Please bless the ones beside me....

+++++++++++++++++++++++

GJP - 13 April 2025

Katherine Perumal

In Memoriam 21 October 1946 - 13 April 2006

+++++++++++++++++++++++

I thought maybe today,

Was the when,

I wouldn't count anymore,

And forgot the years,

As pain’s old paramour...

The world moves on,

Love and Lives,

Both don’t seem to matter,

I thought it was today,

Yet still, You are holding me together,

I saw You in a kid,

And in another, my Father,

I hope,

Ya’ll up there,

Are sharing in the laughter,

This day, Ma,

Is always harder then the others,

There’s much less love in the world,

And now I worry as a father,

Waltz in their dreams Ma,

As You live in mine,

Know I love you always,

And You are my Divine…

+++++++++++++++++++++++

GJP - 13 April 2024

Katherine Perumal

 In Memoriam 21 October 1946 - 13 April 2006

++++++++++++++++

As I reflect on another year past,

I can’t believe what I’ve seen,

The party up there is raging larger,

As threads here unravel at their seams,

As I pen this missive down,

I once again feel shattered,

Pain has become a constant of life,

And it’s often hard to see what matters,

But I hold myself together,

Knowing I live in your light,

In the laughter of a little boy,

Your smile is never out of sight,

I miss you now more than ever,

You always knew what to say,

When things looked their hardest,

Your quiet strength found a way,

From your place, in the universe,

I pray you watch over us,

Guide and strengthen my soul,

As I welcome another Son’s opus…

++++++++++++++++

 In Memoriam 21 October 1946 - 13 April 2006

++++++++++++++++

This familiar time of year,

Again I’ve lost more than before,

Love; Appa and our unborn,

The count of angels continue to grow,

That great gig in the sky,

The party up there is growing bigger,

16 years since have now passed,

The world seems far more somber,

Yet as you always reminded me,

Life’s joys are always abound,

You just gotta know where to look,

And turn to follow the sound,

And that’s this little boy,

Who continues to bless me,

With his laughter and mischief,

He never fails to melt me,

In him, I see how you’ve loved me,

How you must’ve felt around me,

A daily reminder of your life,

And that your love is always with me…

+++++++++++++++

Silhouette

 

Silhouette

++++++++++++++++++++

The Night enveloped him,

The Devil beckoned with glee.

Darkness held his hand,

Among his old friends,

His tears flowed free,

Theirs weren't shoulders to cry on,

Together, they mocked his naivety,

Oh you fool, they laughed,

Making light of his pride,

And stripping his dignity,

What choice did he have,

But to accept his tragic comedy,

He placed his hand on his chest,

Wondering why it was heavy,

When it was without a heart, Empty,

His old friends laughed,

Happy at the reunited Quartet,

Come with us they called,

There is nothing for you out there,

So he followed, a forgotten silhouette...

++++++++++++++++++++

Rainbow in the Night

Rainbow in the Night

++++++++++++++++++++

The sun shifted its gaze,

Onto a hopeless world,

I thought I'd see you again,

And then I heard your words,

The thought of losing you,

Had never crossed my mind,

You were always my light,

My rainbow in the night,

I felt my heart break,

My will had finally gone,

My world gave in,

This time, The pain had won,

And then out of nowhere,

Your voice it pierced the void,

You still shined your light,

My rainbow in the night,

Long ago, you came to me,

When I forgot I knew love,

I forgot I knew how to love,

You gave me happiness,

I now know, I never deserved,

When the time comes,

For me to land this flight,

I hope you'll again turn your light on me,

My Rainbow in the Night...

++++++++++++++++++++

My Sun

  

My Sun

++++++++++++++++++++

A shadow hung,

Behind your gaze,

The sun couldn't smile,

Love forgot its' days...

Then you turned your head,

The fire of your eyes,

This dying planet,

Found its life in disguise...

Your face hidden in light,

A galaxy's forgotton glow,

A tenet that light mirrors,

The river from which life flows...

I am but desperate stillness,

You know my heart's weakness,

I can't venture forth,

Without your love and forgiveness....

I love you, My Princess,

You are my guiding star,

Mothering a child you never chose,

My life, that I love from afar....

++++++++++++++++++++

Faraway Angel

 

Faraway Angel

++++++++++++++++++++

Did She walk, did She Float,

An Angel's gait She totes,

He watched,

As another's arm, She circled,

His gaze, from afar,

Like a world from it's star,

He watched,

Her stolen laughs and giggles,

Hid, behind the rustle of leaves,

Under the shadows of the trees,

He watched,

As their lives, entangled,

She forgot he was there,

That his promise was to care,

He watched,

As his time, was strangled,

Hope, he carried and paid its fare,

But alas, She was not there,

He watched,

As with time, his memory, She stifled,

Soon he faded with her whim,

His soul, left with the wind,

He watched,

As the last sunset, faded over the hill...

++++++++++++++++++++

Katherine...

++++++++++++++++

Mom it’s another year

I don’t know how I got here,

But another one is gone,

And I can’t shake off this fear,

You gained a Grandson,

And Lord know’s he’s so fine,

I can’t begin to imagine,

A time before he was mine,

So many have gone,

We know that’s the price of time,

But life renews itself,

And that’s my faith and lifeline,

I wish you could see him,

And bounce him on your knee,

I see your love in his eyes,

And your laughter in his glee,

Yet it’s not all roses,

You know that’s life’s fee,

I wish I didn’t have the responsibility,

To bury all that’s dear to me,

Till we meet again ma,

When, I cannot be certain,

In all this pain and turmoil,

You are my only constant,

I don’t know what I’ll say ma,

If next year comes around,

Please help and guide us,

So we can all sleep sound.

+++++++++++++++

In Memoriam, Katherine Perumal

21 October 1946 - 13 April 2006

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It’s been 14yrs of silence,

A world without your cadence,

I haven’t stopped missing you,

Or learning your life’s lessons,

This year feels a little different,

A new life has come our way,

A blessing I feared I’d never have,

Before I ended my own stay,

He’s a real joy ma,

A chip off the ol’ block I’d say,

A chubby, curious, cheeky boy,

Who always brightens my day,

I love it when he gazes around,

And I catch him smiling into space,

It’s when I am sure you are closest ma,

As his Angel, caressing his face,

I’ll never forget you ma,

And I’ll teach him about you too,

But I know you’re way ahead of me,

As the Angel to whom he coos...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

In Memoriam, Katherine Perumal, 21 October 1946 - 13 April 2006

In Memoriam...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

Another turn of the calendar, 

I’ve not returned to these pages, 

I forgot I owned these words, 

Chafed by life’s starched edges,

Spring has come by again, 

On its winds a familiar susurrus, 

A pain that’s never left my heart, 

On its broken surface, a naevus,

It’s the 13th of April, 

13 Years from that day, 

A lot has come to pass since then, 

But your love will never be carried away,

I relive the smallest memories, 

Your life’s song preserved in mine, 

I see Your sacrifices sonorously, 

Awed by the mountains You climbed, 

I love You ma, 

I know You needed the rest, 

I miss You ad infinitum, 

Your words, when I’m not at my best,

I know You watch over us,

Loving and caring was always Your way, 

Turn Your eyes to them that need You, 

For now, that’s all I Pray…

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

- Ganesh J. Perumal

In Memoriam, Katherine Perumal,

21 October 1946 - 13 April 2006

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I have watched 12 years pass,

Since my life lost your shadow,

A zodiac’s turn trying to tread your waters,

But dark waters are never shallow,

I never knew you to back down,

Your strength was ever my pillar,

I miss your reassuring smile,

Even as my footsteps falter,

Momma, I honestly wonder,

As far and wide as I have ranged,

If you were still with me,

Would this world, still be this strange,

I watch new love blossom,

The memory of your beauty in others,

I still can’t stop missing you,

All this time, Still offers no shelters,

I’m surely not the boy you left,

Likely not the man you wanted me to be,

But I hope I get there someday,

So when it’s time, You’re proud of me...

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

- Ganesh J. Perumal

Dreamwalking

Dreamwalking...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It only takes a moment,

To begin or end a lifetime, 

In a glance, a hint of a smile,  

Or a walk in shared sunshine,

Time is birth in that moment,

A wealth of unheard possibilities,

Love, tears and laughter,

And new missed opportunities,

The Heavens, and Stars turn,

Holding their breath in anticipation,

A Universe conspires to pull them closer,

Love blossomed by Creation's insistence,

Clothed in the Sun's own raiments,

She made the world around her dim,

Her eyes held a galaxy's stars,

Her voice inspired awe in him,

In the brush of her skin,

He lived a thousand lifetimes,

In a turn of her head, he felt bliss,

In her scent, the hint of his lost soul,

A life returned in a kiss,

There is no greater blessing than,

When souls can touch in skin,

Lifetimes past, present and unlived,

Come crashing together within,

Names they whispered to each other before,

Hands, accustomed to being held tightly,

Souls' memories of loving embraces,

Of growing old together gracefully,

A moment, both mysterious and devious,

Blessing as much as it can take away,

When a man finds himself next to divinity,

A moment; to stroll together, or walk away...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A Familiar Page

A Familiar Page

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

It's that time of the Year again,

And Easter looms Near,

But it's Holy Thursday I remember,

When I lost that which I held most dear,

Today's unlike any that's past,

Its the memory that burns brightest,

When I held your hands for the last time,

And my world turned it's darkest,

Every year I've turned to this page,

Sometimes with a few smiles between,

It's a page that doesn't turn over,

A blank space only tears have seen,

Its the page that ended a story,

The story that truly defined me,

The tale of your limitless love,

My one and only Heroine,

As I write my own chapters,

In a world greatly lightened of love,

I try to give a little back of that stuff,

That you freely gave from your trove,

I often wonder what you're thinking,

If this path is the right one to tread,

I guess I'll never answer that quandary,

Until the coat of this Life, I've shed,

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

In Memoriam....

In Memoriam

********************************

Sitting amidst these clouds, 

As close to the heavens as I'll ever be, 

I miss You as if it was yesterday, 

I wonder if You're looking down on me,

Thinking If I should still pen these words, 

10 years seem a long time to grieve, 

But that spring day's picture hasn't faded, 

Where you held my hand, and forgot to breath,

Time hurls us forward relentlessly, 

This past year had it's own character, 

A medley of memories made, 

Equal parts love, sorrow and laughter,

I find myself at crossroads again, 

Change looms, shadowed in uncertainty, 

But You once prepared me for this Ma, 

When at 16, You sent me across the Sea,

Looking back, I know how hard it was, 

For You to let this rascal run free, 

And when I called when things got tough, 

You said, "just finish," and You steeled me,

I've still got a lot more to learn, 

A longer way left yet to wander, 

Before I understand how You did it, 

And still kept space in Your heart to proffer,

We will continue to talk more Ma, 

When I stop to breath; out nowhere, 

I know You're listening in those moments, 

When my heart whispers its prayer... 

********************************

The Withered Warrior

The Withered Warrior

+++++++++++++++++++++++

He gathers His Breath,

And pushes Himself to His Feet,

His Armour, Shines Undented,

He is Entombed in Raging Heat,

The World looks on at Him,

Applauding His Raw Power,

They Whisper, Admiring His Will,

They See only the Warrior,

Covered in Gleaming Steel,

Only His Eyes Burn Through,

No One Sees the Man Beneath,

A Broken Body, A Soul's Fading Hue,

The Scarred Man Inside,

Took His Metal off Before,

But the Adulation of Admirers,

Quickly Turned to Horror,

He cannot Remember the Falls,

Only Cracked Knees remain Testament,

Of each Breaking Blow He's Borne,

Of the Harrowing Beating He's Taken,

The Fire They see in His Eyes,

Is not Fueled of Intelligence or Furor,

It's the Blue Flame of Madness,

From Despair Fed Evermore,

Death They say is a Feather,

Duty, The Weight of a Mountain,

With His Parched Lips Pursed,

He shifts under his Burden,

He awaits the next Charge to Break Him,

The next Lance to Pierce Through,

the Faultless Burnished Steel He Wears,

He Hopes this Time, Its Aim is True...

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Anathema

Anathema

+++++++++++++++++

The Echo of Her Fading Footsteps,

Snip away at His Mind's Thread,

Looking out the Window in His Hands,

This Silence, He has come to Dread,

Disallowed of His Worship.

His Hands tied to Iron Posts,

Turned away from His Parish,

He Whispers only to Ghosts,

He Wonders if She's Smiling,

If the Sky is Bright where She is,

As Caliginous as His World is,

He Hopes Her's is Filled with Bliss,

He Hopes She might Remember Him,

In a Timid but Fond Recollection,

When Water Falls from the Sky,

Or in Sunlight's First Mention....

+++++++++++++++++

Skylight

Skylight

++++++++++++++++

He Walks Along Awestruck,

Through these Cotton Clouds,

One Foot Playfully After the Other,

He Looks Through Wonder's Shroud,

Wondering How He Got Here,

In This Meadow in the Sky,

Castles Surround a Peasant,

Made Rich by a Princess' Smile,

He Recalls a Voice that Called,

A Heart from Hollow Chambers,

The Redolence of Her Breath,

That Fanned a Flame from Dying Embers,

One Who Lived in Darkness,

A Soul from Life, Withdrawn,

Now He Dances with Light,

And Dinners with the Dawn,

A World is Left Behind,

As He's Brought Closer to the Sun,

A Fool Raised into the Heavens,

By the Grace of Only One...

++++++++++++++++

Celestial

Celestial

++++++++++++++++++++

Unbeckoned, She Came,

A Freedom, Bearing Chains,

Locked Away in Her Halcyon Gaze,

Against the Bonds of Her Smile, I Strain,

I Avert My Eyes from Her Splendour,

Yet, Still Unable to Avoid Her Grace,

Her Countenance Deeply Etched Within,

She is, of Sunlight Traced,

Who is She? This Angel,

Whom the Four Winds Encircle,

Dancing in the Night of Her Hair,

Their Fingers Tightly Entangled.

Carelessly Beautiful,

She Colours the World in Candor,

A Nonchalant Elegance,

That Quickens My Heart's Murmer,

The Inamorata of Stars,

Her Eyes Mirror Their Sparkle,

Lifting the Hearts Around Her,

Gravity Itself, is Enfeebled...

++++++++++++++++++++

Calefaction

Calefaction

++++++++++++++++++++++

You are the Gauge,

That Measures My Summer,

All is Warm in Your Gaze,

A Heat that doesn't Swelter.

You Carry the Sun's Smile,

Into the Cold Depths of Winter,

I am Warmed in the Drifting Snow,

By Your Giggles' Shimmer,

The Melody of Your Voice,

Is the Pitter-Patter of Rain,

The Promise of a New Faith,

That Staves all Past Pain,

The Hint of Your Favour,

A Quotientless Question,

My Fears Fester Cold,

Amidst this Tall Bastion,

Just a Glance Toward,

Is What This Fool asks,

To Enlighten his Ignorance,

And Take His Fear to Task,

Save One from Himself,

Nature's Seasoned Queen,

Shine a Realmless Knight,

Back to an Unseen Gleam,

++++++++++++++++++++++



It's been a long time since I have written something like this. Time it seems, is relentless in its path forward. I have let it carry me along it's river without stopping to notice what is around me for a long time. This poem is homage to a Muse rediscovered.